


Confessions

by Katspotatoe



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Based in the Disir episode, Canon Compliant, M/M, Magic Reveal, Merlin's Magic Revealed, a few small changes, and then completely different, gwen is not queen in this one she’s in a happy relationship with Lancelot, mostly at least, sort of angsty But not really, this is a fanfic afterall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 12:09:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14260677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katspotatoe/pseuds/Katspotatoe
Summary: With Mordred holding on by a thread Arthur is desperate to make a deal with the Disir to save his life. He doesn’t know what to do, until Merlin provides some insights of his own.





	Confessions

Merlin should have guessed that Arthur would immediately insist  on looking for the Disir, he was too noble of a man to let Mordred die. So they rode out to meet the three women who were supposed to save the young man. 

They ride hard to get there. Conversation only picked up when they were close to the cave they Disir were going to be. 

"Why do you risk so much, for one man?" Merlin started. 

"I would do the same for any knight."

"Though obviously, not me."

"I would actually. Servants are hard to come by, even the bad ones."

Arthur used this excuse way too much, they both knew it wasn't the truth. There were plenty of other servants who would do anything to be the manservant to the king. Most would be much better at it then him. 

"I'm touched," was all that Merlin replied. 

"Mordred saved my life. What greater debt can there be?"

"A debt to your people. To your destiny."

"You almost sound as if you care."

"I do care. About who you are, Arthur. Who you are destined to become."

"If it's fated. It doesn't matter what I do, does it? It'll still happen."

"There's a difference between fate and destiny."

"You think too much, Merlin. The situation's quite simple. A brother in arms saves my life. When he in turn is threatened, it's my duty to do all I can to save him."  
And with that they walked towards the cave. 

When they reached the mouth Arthur stopped though, pulling his sword out of its hilt, laying it down gently to the side.   
Responding to a brief look from Merlin he said, "I'm not totally insensitive, Merlin. I can see that some people feel that this is a sacred place. I'm even prepared to admit that you were right sometimes. Obviously I'll deny ever saying that."

"Obviously," Merlin replies as they enter the cave.

"Arthur Pendragon," one of them state. 

"King of Camelot," says another. Their voices seeming to meld to make full sentences. 

"We have been expecting you."

At this Arthur kneels in front of the women. The women stay silent, waiting for him to speak. 

"My men and I behaved with arrogance and stupidity. We dishonored this place, and insulted your faith. I humbly beg your forgiveness. One amongst us, Sir Mordred,may yet pay the ultimate price. I've come here to petition for his life."

"Why should we help you?" One of them respond.

"I ask not for myself, but for a young man who's only crime was sacrifice himself for his king."

"The future holds much pain and suffering for you, Arthur Pendragon, for you and your people," Merlin knew what they truly meant, that he would suffer if he let Mordred live. But Arthur did not, and merely saw this as another token of bad fortune from the three. 

"If you wish to save all you hold dear, if you wish to save your kingdom, embrace the old religion. Learn her ways. Bow to the goddess."

"You know I can't do that," Arthur replied. 

"Consider carefully. You have until dawn."

After that, Merlin and Arthur moved back outside to make a small camp for the night. Merlin gathered nearby sticks from the ground and started a fire as Arthur sat down to think. After gathering more wood for the fire Merlin he started stoking the fire, this was when Arthur started up a conversation.   
"How did you know this place was sacred?"

"That's obvious."

"Pretend it isn't."

"Everything here... so full of life. Every tree. Every leaf. Every insect. It's as if the world is vibrating. As if everything is much more than itself."

"You feel all that?"

"Don't you?" Arthur replied to this with a simple shake of his head. Maybe it was simply because Merlin was always so in tuned with nature that it was a strange thought that somebody didn't feel all of that.  Merlin's smile faded with that. He then sat down across from Arthur. 

"What will you do?" Merlin asked. 

"I don't know," was Arthur's honest answer, "my heart says do anything I can to save Mordred. But I've seen what misery unfettered sorcery brings. Before my father outlawed magic, Camelot was almost destroyed by sorcery. In my own time, Morgan's used it for nothing but evil. What would you do? In my place?"

"Me? I'm just a lackey, maker of the beds."

"Lackeys can be wise."

Merlin grew silent at this. He truly didn't know what to do. Should he condemn magic and it's users for the sake of possibly saving Arthur? Should he tell Arthur the truth, that he is a sorcerer? 

"It's not like you to be silent," Arthur said, interrupting Merlins thought process. 

"The kingdoms future is at stake," was all Merlin could reply. 

"And a man's life," Arthur stated, he was right. 

"You must protect Camelot, you must protect the world you spent your whole life building. A just and fair kingdom, for all," Merlin said. There were tears in his eyes now, this could be his chance to tell Arthur his secret. It was practically the perfect moment, but what would happen to Arthur if he did. 

"You'd have me sacrifice a friend?" Arthur asked. And Merlin realized that that is what he was doing. Would Arthur be able to live with the guilt of Mordred's death?

"I would have you become the king you're destined to be," Merlin said still not completely sure of what he wanted to do. 

"If I do save Mordred, all my father's work will be for nothing. Sorcery will reign once more in Camelot. Is that what you'd want?... Perhaps my father was wrong, perhaps the old ways aren't as evil as we thought," 

Merlin was finding it hard to keep eye contact with the king, and was fighting to keep tears from spilling down his face, "So what should we do? Accept magic? Or let Mordred die?" And Merlin really couldn't keep eye contact anymore. He felt as if his heart was in his throat, and couldn't find a way to respond. 

Arthur seemed to sense his troubles and started to look worried.

He sighed, "What's wrong, Merlin?"

Merlin opened his mouth, trying to say something, but nothing would come out. His tears started spilling freely down his face, unable to hold them back. Arthur walked around the fire and knelt down beside Merlin, putting his hands on the other man's shoulders. He sighed, "Merlin, whatever it is. You can tell me."

"I'm so sorry, Arthur. I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me. I don't think I could stand it if-"

"What the hell are you talking about, Merlin?"

And Merlin couldn't find it in himself to continue. All he could manage was whispered "I'm sorry"s and "don't hate me". 

He couldn't look Arthur in the eyes. And after a minute of this Arthur took matters into his own hands. He grabbed either side of Merlin's face and held him there, so that they were directly eye to eye. This surprised Merlin enough that his sobbing stopped, he felt his chest clench even more though. 

"Merlin, it doesn't help anyone to have you wailing like that. Just tell me what the problem is."

"Arthur, I. I have magic."

"What?"

"I only use it for you, I swear. Only ever for you."

Arthur dropped the hands from his face, "Don't be ridiculous, Merlin. I would know if you had magic."

"I've wanted to tell you for so long, I just, didn't know how to." He started reaching for Arthur's shoulder, but pulled back before he actually touched the man. 

"How could you have magic, Merlin. That doesn't make any sense."

Merlin looked towards the fire that was still going and whispered a small incantations to make the flame change shape. He held it for only a second before stopping it with a sob. Arthur had been watching Merlin's face the whole time, his eyes only sparing a glance toward the shape in the fire. His face was unreadable, something between wonder and betrayal. 

“How could this be? Magic is evil, I know it is.”

“It isn’t, Arthur, magic’s just a tool. Like any other. It can be used for good or evil. I’m sure there are many who see a sword as a tool of evil. But is it?”

“No. But that’s different, Magic is far more powerful than a sword.”

“Which is why I have used mine to protect you! Against the threats I knew your sword couldn’t handle. I have sworn to save your life at whatever cost, my magic has simply helped me do that.”

"But why?" Arthur said, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I. I was scared. I'm so sorry."

"Scared? Merlin, do you think so little of me that you really believed I would throw you to the chopping block?" He could tell Arthur was offended by this idea, his voice starting to get louder. 

It was hard for Merlin to get any words out, but needing to clarify to Arthur he forced out what he needed, "No, Arthur, no. You are the greatest man I've ever met, and that is the problem. When your father was still alive I wouldn't and... I couldn't tell you, I wouldn't make you choose to keep that from your father. But afterwards... I was too scared. I was scared that you would hate me and send me away. And that is my greatest fear, for I can not live without you Arthur. I'd sooner go to the chopping block." 

Merlin realized after he had finished his rapid response, that he had accidentally told a tad too much about certain feelings Merlin might have. It seemed that Arthur also realized this, staring at Merlin with wide eyes and a look of surprise. Merlin covers his mouth with his hand, surprised that he revealed all what he did. 

"Merlin. You really are an idiot if you think I would be able to ever send you away. I'm pretty sure we're going to be stuck together forever,” Arthur said, chuckling just a little bit, under his breath. 

“Ha. Well, after so many years of calling me an idiot, I suppose it shouldn’t be a surprise that I was stupid about this too,” Merlin stated, trying to wipe the tears out of his eyes. 

“You’re. You’re not actually an idiot, Merlin. You should know I don’t actually think that. It’s just a wonder how you can miss what’s right in front of you.”

 

“What?”

With that Arthur shifted forward. Surprising Merlin with the press of his lips. Merlin’s eyes widened, and slowly closed as he sank into the kiss. Merlin brought his hand up to Arthur’s shoulder. Arthur brought his hand up to Merlin’s face, wiping away the stray tears. And they stayed there until they slowly broke apart. 

“What was that for?” Merlin asked. 

Arthur started laughing, “you really don’t see what’s right in front of your face, do you?”

“But what about Gwen?”

“She’s happy with Lancelot. I stopped pursuing her awhile ago. I thought you knew that.”

“Well, I thought she was spending more time with him. But I didn’t think that you’d completely stopped going after her, why would you do that?”

“Because, Merlin, I realized I loved you. Honestly,” He said leaning back, “you really can be an idiot sometimes.”

“Shut up, prat. I-... Did you just say you love me?”

“What? No. Of course not.”

“Yes you did,” he responded, leaning forward into Arthur’s space. 

“No I didn’t. You must be hearing things.”

Merlin laughed, grabbing Arthur’s collar and pulling him in for another kiss. Arthur responded immediately, wrapping an arm around Merlin’s waist. He pulled Merlin closer and put his other hand on Merlin’s back, and felt him put his arms over Arthur’s shoulders. And they kissed quite contentedly for awhile. Until Merlin remembered where they were, and what they were there for. He pulled back, looking Arthur in the face. 

“Arthur, you can’t accept the their request.”

“What? Why? Isn’t that what you want too? To have your magic accepted in Camelot? And it will save Mordred.”

“Yes. That’s the problem. I do want magic to be accepted in Camelot. But, there’s a destiny. Our destiny, and I fear that if we save Mordred, it will not come true.”

“What do you mean?”

“The prophecy states that Mordred will be your doom, Arthur. I know you care for him, but I’m afraid that that won’t always be the case.”

Arthur sighed, sitting back and leaning his head in his hands

“And what do you propose I do? I can’t just let him die.”

“I know.”

“So what do I do.”

“I don’t know.”

They sat there for a minute, contemplating. Until Arthur sighed again, and looked over at him. 

“I suppose it doesn’t really matter though, I’m going to make magic legal anyway, for your sake at least. Perhaps Mordred will be my downfall, perhaps not. We’ll just have to see.” 

And Arthur stood up, heading for the mouth of the cave. Merlin rushed after him, conflicted about whether to stop him or let him keep going. In the end it didn’t matter because Arthur marched into that cave with determination. 

“I accept your terms!” He yelled into the caves, the women no longer on the stone. 

The walked onto the stone again, slowly, and looked at Arthur. 

“You will accept magic,”

“Into Camelot,”

“Of your own volition?”

“I do. I will have to make some laws for it, to make sure that no harm comes from it, I can’t have people getting away with crimes simply because they use magic. And it might take awhile to get my advisors and citizens used to the change. But I promise you, magic will be accepted into Camelot again.”

The women smiled down at him. 

“Very well,”

“Arthur Pendragon.”

“Go on your way,”

“Your friend,”

“Will be quite well,”

“When you return,”

“To Camelot.”

“Thank you,” And with that, Arthur and Merlin left the cave. Merlin felt like he was in shock. 

He and Arthur settled back into their small camp in the ravine, closer together this time. And both sat and watched the fire. They slowly turned closer to each other, finding warmth in the others arms as the night grew cold around them. And fell asleep like that, in each other’s arms, hoping for the best. They’d return to Camelot in the morning. 

When they returned they found Mordred alive and well, happy to see them both. Arthur was excited to see him as well, even if some prophecy said this boy would kill him, he was still Arthur’s knight and friend. Merlin didn’t know how to feel, but eventually settled on smiling at the pair. 

The Disir were still in their cave, watching Arthur and Mordred through their pensieve. They knew that the king would keep his word. They also knew that because of this, his destiny was altered. Mordred would no longer be a threat to the young king. Arthur and Merlin would rule together for a long time. And who knows, maybe Morgana would find it in her heart to return, and find a home in Camelot once again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it. Comments are appreciated but not required at all.


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